You Don’t Have to Figure Everything Out Yourself
This summer, a friend of mine was stung by wasps several times within a short period. We were in Provence, and I wasn’t sure what would help, so I did what I’ve learned to do when I’m in France: I went to the pharmacy and asked for advice.
French pharmacies are one of my favorite places to ask for advice. They always seem to have excellent natural remedies, and the pharmacists don’t just point you toward a shelf. They ask questions, share their recommendations, and explain how to use them.
So I explained what had happened and asked what might help.
I left with a remedy for my friend, but also with something I hadn’t gone in looking for: someone else’s experience.
It got me thinking about asking for help. Why can it feel so difficult when we’re so used to solving problems on our own?
We’ve become quite good at researching and a little worse at asking for help or advice. Somewhere along the way, figuring things out alone started to feel like the capable thing to do.
But asking someone, What would you do? can give you something no search result can.
And you don’t even have to take their advice.
When More Research Leads to Analysis Paralysis
We can Google almost anything.
We read reviews, compare products, search forums, listen to podcasts, and ask AI.
I do it too.
There is something efficient about finding an answer without having to ask anyone. When you’re used to solving problems on your own, research seems like the sensible thing to do.
But sometimes all that information doesn’t make the decision easier.
It gives us seventeen options instead of three.
One expert says one thing. Another says the opposite. We open another tab, read another review, and look for one more piece of information that will finally make the answer obvious.
We can get stuck in analysis paralysis over things that don’t need so much thought.
That’s one of the things I love about France.
People still seem to ask.
Not because they don’t know what to do, but because someone else might know something they don’t.
Sometimes the Best Information Isn’t Searchable
I noticed it again in a beauty shop.
I was looking at hair supplements and asked the woman working there what she would recommend.
There were different options, each focusing on slightly different things. Instead of standing there reading every label and trying to work out which one was “best,” I asked her.
We talked about what I was looking for, and she explained the differences. In the end, I chose the one she thought would give me the best overall results rather than focusing on just one aspect.
While we were talking, an elderly, very chic French woman nearby joined our conversation about lymphatic face brushes.
She had overheard us and told me she loved them and how she used them. The woman in the shop added what she knew. I asked questions.
Within a few minutes, the three of us were having the kind of conversation I might otherwise have spent half an hour researching on my phone.
I bought the hair supplements.
I didn’t buy the brushes.
The Recommendation Isn’t the Decision
I already have facial brushes at home, and buying more that I probably wouldn’t use wasn’t going to change anything.
But I loved hearing the recommendations.
And I realized why.
I like getting recommendations from a real person — someone I know, like, and trust, or someone with experience or expertise in what I’m asking about.
When someone recommends something to me in person, I have context. I can understand where the advice is coming from, ask why she prefers one option over another, see how someone actually uses something, and ask a follow-up question.
An online review might tell me what someone thinks. A conversation lets me understand why.
And then I can decide.
I don’t have to take the advice for it to be useful.
Asking for Help Doesn’t Mean Handing Over the Decision
Maybe that’s part of why asking for help can be so difficult when we’re used to being independent.
We confuse asking with handing over control.
But those are two different things.
You can ask the pharmacist or the woman working in the shop.
You can listen to the woman beside you who has tried exactly what you’re considering, or ask a friend what worked for her.
And then you can decide.
You aren’t gathering instructions; you’re gathering possibilities.
Their suggestion may feel right or spark an idea you hadn’t considered before.
Or hearing what worked for them might help you realize you don’t need it at all.
That’s useful too. It’s just information. You don’t have to get it exactly right.
When More Wellness Information Isn’t the Answer
This applies to much more than wasp stings, hair supplements, and beauty brushes.
I see it in health and wellness all the time.
We have more information at our fingertips than ever before. We can find the perfect morning routine, the best exercise for midlife, what to eat, how much protein we need, how to sleep better, and ways to manage stress.
And yet all that information can make it harder, not easier, to know what to do.
Especially if you’re someone who likes to get things right.
You research a little more and compare another expert’s opinion. You keep looking for the perfect routine or the answer you’re somehow missing.
But knowing more isn’t always what we need.
Sometimes we need help making sense of what we already know.
That’s part of what health coaching is about, too.
My job isn’t to hand someone another list of things she should be doing. It’s to help her filter out the noise, notice what’s actually happening in her life, and decide what makes sense for her.
Because the same advice can be exactly right for one person and completely wrong for another.
This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t research, ask experts, or listen to what worked for someone else.
But ultimately, we get to decide what fits our life right now.
Maybe the true value of asking isn’t finding the perfect answer. It’s gaining enough perspective to hear our own answers more clearly.
And sometimes that means turning our attention away from all the information out there and noticing what’s happening in our own body.
We can gather the information and ask for advice. And then we can notice what our own experience is telling us.
How to Ask for Help Without Giving Up Your Own Judgment
Asking for help doesn’t have to begin with a big admission that you can’t cope.
Sometimes it’s simply what we already do when we call our mom or our best friend for advice.
It can be as small as:
What do you think?
Have you tried this?
What worked for you?
What would you do?
Then listen, not because the other person necessarily knows better or because you have to follow their advice. Listen simply because curiosity gives you more to work with than trying to have every answer yourself.
We can still research, think, and trust ourselves.
We just don’t have to do all of it alone.
You Don’t Have to Figure It Out Alone
I think this may be what I love most about these little exchanges in France.
There is an ease to them.
You ask.
Someone answers.
Someone else might join in.
You listen.
And then you carry on, perhaps knowing something you didn’t know five minutes earlier.
No big declaration of needing help. No assumption that the other person has the answer. Just a willingness to let someone else’s experience into the room.
For those of us who are very good at figuring things out, that can be a surprisingly useful thing to remember.
You don’t always need another search.
Sometimes you need another person.
So, is there something you’ve been trying to figure out entirely on your own?
Who could you ask?
Not Sure What You Need Right Now?
Sometimes the first step isn’t finding another answer; it’s noticing what’s going on for you.
Take my free 60-second quiz to discover which pattern might be showing up for you right now, and what you might need more of.
